Blog

/

LGBTQI+ Health

/

Advice for Coming Out, from Cerebral Professionals

Advice for Coming Out, from Cerebral Professionals

default-author
Jamie Imperial Jun 14, 2021
Copy link
preview_image
Take the next step to feeling better
Get started

Happy Pride Month! This is a month for appreciation and celebration. And, for many, it’s also a time for raising their voice: whether that be by coming out, by standing tall, or by supporting others.

We know the coming out process is fraught with emotion and challenges. That’s why we had three Cerebral mental health professionals sit down to talk about their answers to thoughtful questions about coming out. 

In honor of Pride Month, we’ve put them together here for you!

Advice for someone struggling with coming out

It's okay to take your time exploring how and when you want to come out. It's okay to not be certain, or still have a lot of questions about what you're experiencing, and no one can force you to be one way or another. It's not uncommon to feel internal or external forces pushing you to come out, and at the same time, it's okay to slow down and take your time; it's a very personal decision to come out! 

It's also okay to feel nervous...that's completely normal! Given there is still unfortunately a societal stigma when it comes to the LGBTQIA+ community, it's understandable that there may be some fear around how people (especially those we care about) will respond. A good practice here is to name the fear you're experiencing, as it gives you the power to decide what you're going to do with that fear, whether that's talking to a trusted friend about it, journaling it, or using whatever coping tool works best for you!

–Joshua Simpson, ASW

It is normal to struggle, to have doubts, and to be concerned. Try coming out to someone who you anticipate will respond with acceptance and compassion. This might help you as you take your first big step in the coming out process. 

–Danielle Hadar, LCSW

The first priority is safety, and there are plenty of situations where coming out could create unsafe situations. No one should be forced to come out ever, especially if it would result in any unsafe mental or physical situation (housing, employment, social rejection, etc.). People often feel mentally unsafe when they have to hide or mask their identities, but physical safety and mental safety are two different concerns. 

Coming out is not a one time check mark; it's a process that repeats itself over the course of your life. Identities evolve, and what fits now may not fit in 5 years and that is O.K. Anytime we speak truth to our identities, we're coming out. The first few times are big, and exciting, and nerve-racking, but eventually it just becomes you living in your truth.

– Laura Conner, LCSW

Advice for dealing with difficulty or fallout from coming out

It's rough...and I understand because I've been there. It may feel like your world is crashing when you're either rejected, receive some covert aggressions about your sexuality, or somewhere in between. First and foremost, take care of yourself. It's a painful thing to experience a literal or perceived sense of rejection, and the thing is, it doesn't fall on us. If we're showing up authentically through coming out and experiencing rejection, it does not mean we're defective or unworthy of love, rather it is a choice on the other party's part to authentically receive you. This is scary of course, as we can't control someone else's response, and at the same time, we can choose how we will respond with the knowledge that we showed up authentically.

–Joshua Simpson, ASW

Congratulations and welcome to the world! I'm sorry you are having difficulty navigating the reactions of others, but please remember that you are valid and important. Your identity matters, and any difficulty/fallout says way more about them than it does about you. You are not a burden. You are not a problem. You are being your authentic, whole self and that is the bravest thing anyone can do. 

Find your chosen family. Find a community of people who are affirming and supportive and love you for all that you are. Online, in person, whatever. You are not alone and you do not have to go through this alone.

It is not your job to justify your identity to any one. Your emotional labor is not required for the respect you deserve.

– Laura Conner, LCSW

Resources and approaches for the coming out process

Look into your local LGBTQ Center. Many center's have tons of resources from coming out groups to legal assistance. You can also look into compiled resource lists on sites like GLAAD or the Trevor Project.

– Joshua Simpson, ASW

Here are just a few:

– Laura Conner, Associate Therapist

Please also take a look at Cerebral’s Coming Out Workbook!

How to protect your mental health through the coming out process

BE KIND to yourself! For many, coming out can be a stressful process, and just like any stressor, it's important to find healthy ways of coping. There are so many different methods of coping, from exercise, to meditation, to creative arts. And at the same time, it's equally important to set an intention of self-compassion towards yourself while doing it. The current research shows that self-compassion is linked with increased feelings of acceptance, and allows for a less judgmental mindset, from which there can be increase in self-esteem and happiness with one’s identity. It can also be helpful to connect with those in your support network, whether that be a friend, family remember, therapist, or even pet, as it can decrease the feelings of isolation often experienced by folks in the LGBTQIA community.

– Joshua Simpson, ASW

Reach out to loved ones and LGBTQ+ specific organizations if you need support. Coming out can be really hard and emotionally exhausting. Sometimes it can lead us to dark feelings and thoughts. There are so many people out there who have gone through it and come out the other side who are more than happy to support those coming out.

There is power in truth, and coming out can be a source of your power. You are shedding the expectations of others and living as your authentic self. No one can take that from you. 

Journal your feelings and process the reactions you get from others. You are allowed to feel whatever feelings come up for you. You are allowed to be upset, or disappointed, or angry, or whatever feeling you have. Just try to remember that you are not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

– Laura Conner, LCSW

More thoughts, advice, and suggestions for coming out

TL;DR: Take your time. It's okay to ask questions. It's helpful to access resources during the process. Be kind to yourself.

– Joshua Simpson, ASW

This is YOUR journey. Through the pain, fear, discomfort and sadness will be your journey to acceptance, honesty and authenticity. There is no one way and no rule book to follow, so listen to your gut and remember that you are worthy of love and acceptance, even if that means that it comes from only yourself at first. There is also something called a “chosen family.” For those who are unfortunately not accepted by their families, go find your chosen family of people who will accept you just as you are.

– Danielle Hadar, LCSW

Not everyone has to know about your identity. You don't have to disclose any part of your identity if that disclosure makes you uncomfortable or is potentially unsafe. You are allowed to be yourself and take up space in the world as loudly or as quietly as you want.

– Laura Conner, LCSW

If you or a loved one is struggling with LGBTQ+ identity and mental health, these numbers are available 24/7: 

Get top insights and news from our experts
Helpful mental heath resources delivered straight to your inbox!
I accept the Cerebral HIPAA Marketing Authorization.
You may also like
Jun 9, 2022
Substance Use Disorder
LGBTQI+ Health
Why Is Substance Abuse And Addiction So Prevalent Among The LGBTQI+ Community?
Why is substance abuse and addiction so prevalent among the LGBTQ+ community? In a world in which diversity should be celebrated, the LGBTQ+ community can find themselves excluded. Approximately 20-30% of the LGBTQ+ community suffers from substance abuse , compared to roughly 9% of the general population as a whole. This can include but is not limited to  marijuana, opioids, smoking/vaping, amphetamines, heroin and alcohol. For LGBTQ+ youths of color, the increased risk is even higher. So the question stands - why are these individuals struggling so greatly and what can we do to help? Sexual minorities experience a range of challenges the rest of the population isn’t as often affected by. These challenges can  include but are not limited to: A negative stigma/discrimination based solely on their sexual orientation. Rejection by family and friends. Lack of support from the community as a whole. Discrimination at work through job loss or being passed up for promotions. Internalized homophobia and self-identifying with anti-gay stigmas. Hate crimes, threats and public humiliation. LGBTQ+ individuals might also be likelier to experience: Sexual abuse/assault. Sexual dysfunction. Compulsive sexual behavior. This can further spiral into mental health issues like: Unhealthy levels of stress. Self-harming and attempted suicide. Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). Major depressive disorder. This can lend to LGTBQ+ individuals dealing with co-occurring mental or sexual disorders. Unfortunately, young transgender people have higher levels of depression, suicide, self-harm and eating disorders.  Oftentimes, individuals, including those in the LBGTQ+ community, might attempt to self-soothe in order to deal with negative circumstances by turning to drugs and alcohol. Sadly, he LGBTQ+ substance abuse statistics confirm it. For example, one study shows that transgender students are 2.5 times likelier to use cocaine or meth. In addition, they’retwice as likely to abuse prescription medications, like opioids and benzodiazepines. Lastly, for young adults who are in the sexual minorities, 12.4% have reported an alcohol use disorder, compared to 10.1% for the general population. So what can be done to help… LGBTQ+ substance abuse treatment Traditional therapeutic methods might not be the best approach for LGBTQ+ individuals. Substance abuse isn’t always the root of the problem—oftentimes it’s a byproduct. Counseling the LGBTQ+ community requires a specialized approach as  we must address all of the varying factors that are contributing to LGBTQ+ individuals’ struggling mental and physical health. This includes addressing social isolation, family issues and even violence, among other things.  Furthermore, sexual minorities might be afraid to seek help out of fear of rejection by a therapist;group therapy can be intimidating and clients are unsure  if they’re safe to truly let their guards down. Discrimination against LGBTQ+ people can happen anywhere unfortunately—even in a therapist’s office. With mental illness in the LGBTQ+ community more prevalent, receiving mental health counseling online can help to reduce occurrences of depression, anxiety and other disorders. Cerebral offers individual therapy, in a safe, online atmosphere to people across the nation battling mental illness. Talk therapy online gives a person the ability to achieve  healthier ways to cope and manage mental hurdles. Cerebral offers a variety of monthly subscriptions to fit our clients’ needs and goals. In addition, should a client and their therapist decide that medication is necessary, we deliver it right to their front door. Ways to support the LGBTQ+ community How can we all take part in building a more inclusive society? Here are just a few suggestions. If you see something, speak up! Is an LGBTQ+ coworker being treated unfairly? Report it to your manager. Make sure your coworker knows you are an ally. Think before speaking - if you think your joke or comment might offend someone; then do not say it.  Be inclusive. LGBTQ+ people often experience social isolation. Make a point of including everyone!!. Confront your own biases. Challenge yourself to stop making assumptions about people just because of their gender or sexuality. Start a dialogue with someone; learn about who they are and educate yourself at the same time. Additional addiction resources for LGBTQ+ Cerebral’s goal is to make therapy available, accessible and affordable. There are additional places one can turn to, on the internet, if they need support. If someone is in crisis and needs immediate help, Crisis Text Line connects crisis counselors with individuals in need. It’s free, 24/7 support that you can access right at your fingertips. Just text HOME to 741741 and you’ll be connected to a trained counselor. They’ll help take you from a “hot moment” to a “cool moment.” The Trevor Project offers a similar service. Counselors are available by online chat, call and text. They listen without judgment. The Trevor Project also offers an international community for people ages 13-24. Trans Lifeline is run by trans people, for trans people. They have hotlines for both trans people, as well as, family and friends. They offer full anonymity and confidentiality and calls are always secure. Thrive Lifeline is a community of trained crisis responders and suicide interveners. If you’re 18+, you can receive judgment-free, confidential text messaging. If you’re a relative or friend of an LGBTQ+ person, PFLAG can help. They provide an abundance of resources on how to be an ally. Countering the unique obstacles that LGBTQ+ people face starts right at home with family and friends. A more inclusive and accepting community means fewer sexual minorities suffering. Take the next step with Cerebral The stigma surrounding mental health treatment persists. But Cerebral aims to shine a light on emotional wellness. This Pride Month, and every month, our goal is to reach and guide as many LGBTQ+ individuals as possible. If you or someone you know is dealing with a substance abuse issue, or if your mental health is otherwise suffering, help is a few clicks away. Get started by taking our free emotional assessment so we can learn more about you. Someone from our team will reach out with the next steps.
Read more
Jun 6, 2022
LGBTQI+ Health
Supporting Mental Illness in the LGBTQ+ Community
June is Pride Month! All across the globe  LGBTQ+ communities are coming together to celebrate their decades long struggle to overcome prejudice and be accepted for who they are.. Pride month honors the 1969 Stonewall Uprising in Manhattan, which was a major turning point in the Gay Liberation Movement. Throughout the month, we celebrate those fighting for equality. In addition, we remember those who’ve lost their lives to injustice. Ultimately continuing  to push for the end of discrimination in regard to gender fluidity. Discrimination against the LGBTQ+ community Despite being a deeply personal and individual matter, non-heterosexuality remains under the microscope as a deviation from the standard, an abnormality. Those who identify as LGBTQ+ often find themselves in a place in which they  lack equality, freedom and basic human rights. Many states still offer little to no protection from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. LGBTQ+ people can still face inequality in employment, housing and public accommodation. Surveys confirm that LGBTQ+ workers face discrimination at work. LGBTQ+ workers of color have reported an increased likelihood of being denied a job. They also experience more verbal harassment and many LGBTQ+ employees still feel the need to “disguise” themselves in the workplace to avoid being mistreated. It can be harder for same-sex couples to adopt children. While reports  reveal horrific discrimination against transgender people. In addition, LGBTQ+ persons often find healthcare providers treat them differently and they receive less access to necessary care.  And this is only the tip of the iceberg… We live in a melting pot of a country, where diversity should ideally be celebrated. And yet, anyone who identifies as something other than heterosexual—as well as gender-fluid people—are at an automatic disadvantage. The ramifications of such can be life altering and have a negative impact on said persons. Sexual minorities have an increased risk for behavioral health issues, often times more leading to increased risk of experiencing  depression and anxiety . Data shows  that adults in the sexual minority  report higher substance use patterns compared to heterosexual adults. Often it is found that use of marijuana, opioids and cigarettes are consumed at a higher rate, which can often lead to more severe substance use disorders.  Ways to support LGBTQ+ individuals There are many simple, practical, yet powerful ways to be an ally for the LGBTQ+ community. Educate yourself. Become  aware of the anti-discrimination laws in your state. In your workplace. Research how local businesses promise to enforce equality. Become aware of the difference between gender and sex. Knowledge is power and the first step in supporting the LGBTQ+ crowd. Use your voice. Demolishing the negative stigma means speaking up when you see something wrong. Have you heard someone use a slur? Offer education on the topic and kindly correct them with the inclusive term. Is a coworker being harassed at work? Don’t sit idly by but bring the situation to the attention of someone in charge. In addition, make sure your coworker is ok and knows you are a safe space for them.. Do you feel like your workplace policies could be improved? Voice your thoughts. Silence is compliance.  Start a group. Does it feel like there’s a lack of safe, supportive places for your LGBTQ community? Take the initiative to start a group yourself. Even a monthly meeting at a coffee shop, restaurant or local library can make a world of difference to people who need the community. Do groups in your area already exist? Attend their events! LGBTQ+ Mental Health Resources While we’ve made strides as a society in providing more support for the LGBTQ+ community, we still have a long way to go but help is available. Here are just a few suggestions of resources available. The It Gets Better Project is a global non-profit. It aims to uplift, empower and connect LGBTQ+ youth across the world. The site provides support, education and a list of events you can attend. There’s also The Trevor Project, which is the world’s largest suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for young LGBTQ+ people. They offer counseling for the LGBTQ+ community. Get help by calling, texting or chatting with one of their crisis counselors. Connect with others online through their community and read through a plethora of  resources to support you on your journey. Their Crisis Text Line is another safe option! Q Chat Space hosts live chat groups for teens, where they can connect with other people who have shared  interests and gather new information. If you want to know how you can better support a loved one who is LGBTQ+, that’s what PFLAG is for. They provide information and resources not just for LGBTQ+ people but also for anyone who wants to be an ally. There are more than 400 chapters across the US and over 200,000 members. For trans mental health resources specifically, Trans Lifeline can help. It’s run by and for trans people, to provide peer support. For LGBTQ+ friendly therapists, Cerebral is just a few clicks away. Our caring team provides LGBTQ+ therapy online for individuals who might be struggling with their mental health. We take mental illness in the LGBTQ+ community seriously. Cerebral offers different monthly subscriptions to make mental healthcare more affordable and accessible. Should you need medication, we’ll deliver it right to your doorstep. We know that finding therapy for LGBTQ+ issues might feel challenging. Often times people struggle finding care where they know they’ll be accepted, understood and included. Our goal at Cerebral is to remove the stigma surrounding mental health treatment. In order to live the life you want, “healthcare” demands a holistic approach—mentally, physically and emotionally, which you’ll find with Cerebral. If you or a loved one is ready to talk to someone, Cerebral is ready to listen! Start by taking our free emotional assessment so we can get to know you better. This Pride Month—and every month—we send all of our love, support and companionship to the LGBTQ+ community.
Read more
Aug 30, 2021
Women's Health
Men's Health
LGBTQI+ Health
What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?
Romantic relationships can be really hard work!  Whether you’ve just met or you’ve been together for a while, it can be hard to tell from the inside if your relationship is healthy. And if you have a particularly challenging history with relationships, it can be even more difficult.  This is especially true when you’re in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. If you’re in a new relationship, you probably see your partner through a pair of rose-colored glasses. You might see them as the most fantastic, perfect person in the world.  Rose-colored glasses make it much harder to tell whether your relationship is healthy or not. This quote from BoJack Horseman sums it up well:  “When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.” Ignoring red flags and ending up in a toxic relationship can do some major damage to your mental health. It’s important to know what a healthy relationship is like so that you don’t end up in a toxic situation.  So what does a healthy relationship look like? Not every relationship looks the same. However, there are some definitive signs that can help you see if yours is healthy. Here are a few: Signs of a healthy relationship You trust each other When you’re in a healthy relationship, you have to be able to trust each other. This means trusting them with things like staying faithful, spending money, and making parenting decisions. Without a sense of trust, there’s no sense of security. That means there’s no solid foundation for you to build a healthy connection.  Your lives don’t revolve around each other It’s important for both your relationship and your mental health to have a life and identity of your own. That means not dropping your friends, hobbies, or interests just because you’re in a relationship. Your partner is meant to enhance your life, not become your life. There’s a misconception that your partner is supposed to ‘complete’ you. Believing that can lead to toxic and codependent relationships.  You communicate openly and honestly with each other Being able to open up to one another is an essential part of every healthy relationship. This means feeling safe to talk about what’s going on in your life and things that are on your mind. This can take time. Your partner might not understand your communication style right away, and vice versa. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, suggests sometimes it takes a bit of time to learn and adjust to how your partner speaks and hears love. You’re comfortable around one another Being able to be yourself around your partner is a good sign that they are accepting and that your connection is strong.  Do you find yourself walking on eggshells or being uncomfortable and anxious around your partner? That may be your body telling you that there’s something wrong.  You handle and resolve conflict together Just because you’re in a healthy relationship doesn’t mean that you’ll never fight. In fact, every healthy relationship involves conflict. Being able to handle conflict effectively with your partner is a good sign of a healthy dynamic. This means that when you and your partner fight, you handle it together as a team. You address the issue together and find a way to compromise with one another. You keep the intimacy alive Physical intimacy like sex or cuddling is important in a relationship. This can vary over time, but making sure you’re keeping that part of your relationship alive is part of being in a healthy relationship. You should also keep the emotional intimacy alive in your relationship. This could look like checking in with each other regularly or doing meaningful activities together. Or, it could mean trying something new together. You spend a healthy amount of time together It’s important to maintain your individuality outside of your relationship. Yet, that doesn’t mean that you have to lead entirely separate lives. Being in a healthy relationship includes spending quality time with one another. You could go on regular date nights, exercise together, or plan a trip together. You respect one another Respect is an extremely important part of being in a healthy relationship. Respect can mean setting healthy relationship boundaries with one another. It also means respecting those boundaries when they are enforced. It can also mean respecting each other’s differences and needs. This includes not devaluing or belittling your partner to their face or behind their back. You’re affectionate and playful with one another Who wants to be in a boring relationship? If you can joke around and be lighthearted with each other, that’s a great sign that your relationship is on healthy ground.  Sharing playful moments and being affectionate with one another can help you build a strong relationship and deepen your connection.  You’re interested in each other’s lives Being genuinely curious about your partner and their thoughts, wishes, desires, or mundane daily activities is a surefire sign that you’re in a healthy partnership.  This goes both ways. Your partner should be interested in your thoughts, wishes, desires, or whatever makes you tick.  It can be hard to tell from the inside whether you’re in a healthy relationship. But, these signs are a great place to start. If you’re having relationship difficulties, it can help to do individual therapy before doing couples counseling. Sometimes we bring past relationship experiences into our current one without realizing it. Working with a therapist on your own can help you process them. Even if you’re in a healthy relationship, seeing an individual therapist can help you develop communication and conflict resolution skills. They can act as an outside observer and give you an unbiased perspective on your relationship that your friends or family can’t give you. They can also help you see whether you or your partner are exhibiting healthy boundaries in relationships. No matter where you’re at in your relationship journey, Cerebral can help! These resources are a great place to start: What is My Attachment Style? The 5 Love Languages 6 Steps to Nurture Your Inner Child How to Meditate: A Guide for Beginners Distress Tolerance Skills Clinically reviewed by Scott Tony Reigle, PhD, LPC, CCTP-II, CCFP
Read more
View more posts
Mental health care made for you
Find a therapist or prescriber to get the care you need.
Get started
mental-heath-support

Call 911 if you’re having a
mental health emergency

Text Home to 741-741 if you're in emotional
distress and need immediate support

Call 988 For National Suicide
Prevention Hotline